i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so much tequila, so little girl.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
