I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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