I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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