Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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