Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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