if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
