Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
