I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
