sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
