Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
