note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
