I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
