I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
