i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
