I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
