you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
