plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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