if i can run in heels then i can drive
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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