So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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