I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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