this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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