Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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