he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
