If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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