What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
