Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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