Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
