just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
