South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
