Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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