Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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