idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
