She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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