i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
