i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is Oprah even human
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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