I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
