drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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