My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
