I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
