She is in my trunk
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she pinky promised me she was 18
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
