She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
