Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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