We're facebook friends in real life
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
