How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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