You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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