i was born a porn star she said
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
