Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
