why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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