THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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