I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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