Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
