My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
