I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
