her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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