Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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