it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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