he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
