Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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