I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i drank out of a bidet.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
