i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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