Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
