Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
