don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
